wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
