The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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