So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
