hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
