Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
