There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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