She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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