Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
