Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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