dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
