i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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