sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Randomize
