i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
All I want is dick and wine.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
