My hair reeks of homosexuality.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
