I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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