When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
you traded sex for a burrito?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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