a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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