I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
