i think my mom watched the whole time
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
