Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
