you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
party gras won. party gras always wins.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize