Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
