I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
