i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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