Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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