She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
