Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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