Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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