Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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