I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
How external is "for external use only"?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
