i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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