You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
