I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
