meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
