Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
