Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
