took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
