bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
