My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
