I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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