WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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