Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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