If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
