fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Is it penis luge time yet?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
