Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
