shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I've blown a few things in my day
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
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