Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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