I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
