she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
