ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
third nipple confirmed
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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