i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
