Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
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