why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
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