My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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