Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
