Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
