FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
