Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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