When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
