these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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