I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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